You're completely useless in the revolution.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
