Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
