i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
