I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
