Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm really busy with my period
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