ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
