Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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