If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
