If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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