WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
