I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Randomize
