So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
