I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
