im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
