So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
