i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
