she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
