You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
