My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
