The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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