I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
