is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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