um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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