I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
