you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
