Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
