They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
