Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
