i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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