What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
