I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
