I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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