you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
