I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
