I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
