Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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