This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
