I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
