You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i've created a new STD.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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