im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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