I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
