Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
