I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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