I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
