Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
