i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
