he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
