he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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