She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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