i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
