and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
