Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
