I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
