Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
