Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
