I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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