Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
