Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
