I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
