There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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