just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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