So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
