You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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