eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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