I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
why is half of my head shaved?
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