I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
