I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
