It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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