She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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