Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
