I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
