I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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