R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
