ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Randomize
